How to Launch a Teen: Philosophies and Routines

Of course, it is sarcasm of the highest order to suggest that we began the process of launching you into adulthood just last Friday.  My hopes for you have always been joy, curiosity, a sense of adventure, and confidence.  But I also understood that children need, even crave, the knowledge that naptime comes after lunchtime.  Structure and routine, as much as trust and safety, provide a firm base from which to experiment with life. 

Instilling any type of routine was difficult after we found your dad.  His cycles of activity are consistent--conversation, work, meals, media, sleep--but he has no use for the world's self-imposed slavery to the clock.  As a result, you have been exposed to two different choices about how to be in the world.  One is task-oriented and sacrifices structure and predictability for availability and the whims of inspiration.  The other is routine-oriented and trades flexibility for efficiency and consistency.

The chief disadvantage of adopting Dad's philosophy toward time management is that most of the world doesn't operate that way.  Apart from creative types, researchers, and entrepreneurs who can work as they please, the world generally requires structure from us.  You have had an opportunity through this year's home schooling to experiment with more flexible routines for study.  Graduate studies at university is a similar experience.  Your preferences with regard to structuring your time is one of the characteristics you might want to consider when you make choices about future career paths.

But I digress. 

One of the books we Eastern-philosophy-dabbling children of the '70s read was Khalil Gibran's The Prophet.  This is the section On Children.

          Your children are not your children.

          They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.

          They come through you but not from you,

          And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

          You may give them your love but not your thoughts,

          For they have their own thoughts.

          You may house their bodies but not their souls,

          For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,

          which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

          You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.

          For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

          You are the bows from which your children

          as living arrows are sent forth.

          The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,

          and He bends you with His might

          that His arrows may go swift and far.

          Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;

          For even as He loves the arrow that flies,

          so He loves also the bow that is stable.

That's as close to my philosophy of parenting as I can describe....preparing for that moment when all that will be left for me to do is watch you soar.

I love you,
Mom