The situation: On 30 October 2009, due to a combination of family obligations, health problems, and academic issues, I suspended my work on a doctorate in clinical psychology. It had been some time since I had been able to devote myself full-time to my research project, and I hoped that a year's formal suspension would provide me with perspective and relieve feelings of guilt and anxiety related to my academic career. The end of that year (October 2010) found our family in the midst of fulfilling a long-desired goal: selling our house in the Auckland area and buying a lifestyle block in the New Zealand countryside. I spoke with the program director and my research supervisor and told them I would be in touch once we were settled into our new home. In March 2011, I received a notice that another 6-monthly report regarding the status of my research project was due. I spent several weeks thinking about the unresolved academic issues related to the project, then outlined a revised project complete with timeline and research aims. As I corresponded with my supervisors, I learned that my extended suspension of study and change of focus meant I would need to resign from the clinical program, recruit another supervisor with experience in qualitative research techniques, and pursue either a PhD or a Masters level research project: any clinical qualification I wished to pursue would be delayed until after completion of the disseration. Throughout this process, I noticed increased symptoms of anxiety, including difficulty sleeping, muscle tension, increased worry, and a migraine headache. After a bit of self-reflection, I determined that it was time to reassess my academic goals.
I have previously recommended to clients facing difficult decisions that they use a grid analysis as an aid. Grid analysis can be useful with decisions in which there are a number of factors that deserve consideration. I find the download and instructions available from Mind Tools to be particularly helpful.
First, I brainstormed a bit and then identified four viable options regarding my future academic career:
- Upon withdrawal from the clinical psychology program, pursue an application to continue my research as a PhD project.
- Take a step back and pursue a Masters degree.
- Forget academics and get a practical degree that would lead to a mental health registration, such as a Diploma in Counselling.
- Set aside my academic career in a more permanent way.
- future earnings potential,
- impact for my family,
- time to work on other projects and goals, and
- impact on my self-esteem.
| Factors | Future Earnings | Family | Other Projects | Self-Esteem | Total |
| Factor Weights | - | - | - | - | - |
| PhD | 5 | 1 | 0 | 4 | - |
| MA | 3 | 0 | 0 | 0 | - |
| DipCouns | 2 | 2 | 3 | 2 | - |
| Stop | 2 | 4 | 4 | 3 | - |
For the Future Earnings factor, I felt that a PhD would be most beneficial and the Masters less so. I felt that a Diploma in Counselling would make no difference to future earnings when compared to leaving school and pursuing self-employment opportunities.Proceeding to Step 4, I rated the importance of each factor, with 0 being not important to 5 being very important.
In terms of the impact on my family (aside from the financial gains included in the Future Earnings factor), the PhD would be advantageous in terms of providing a model of academic success for our children, but this benefit was offset by the tremendous investment of time necessary to complete my research and writing. The Masters would require a near-equal amount of time without the benefit of providing my children with a model of an adult finishing what was started. Pursuing a counselling diploma would allow me to study on a part-time basis and for a much shorter period of time. Finally, leaving school would provide me with the flexibility to free up my time to support my daughter in her home schooling and upcoming university applications; go on family outings; take on more daily responsibilities such as shopping, preparing dinner, and cleaning; and just be available for those impromptu talks.
The time constraints of both the PhD and the Masters led to 0 ratings in the Other Projects column, while the counselling diploma option garnered a 3 because it could be completed on a part-time basis. I rated Leaving School as a 4 because a decision not to pursue further educational qualifications may limit my credentials for some writing projects I am interested in pursuing.
In terms of impacting my self-esteem, I rated the PhD at a 4 rather than a 5 because the benefits would be offset by certain activation of negative core beliefs such as "I am a bad mother" and "I am selfish." The Masters would do little to boost my self-esteem and would result in activation of beliefs like "I'm not good enough." I rated the counselling diploma as a 2 because it would allow me to achieve a long-time goal of working in the mental health field. Because leaving school would enable me to devote time to a wide variety of other projects that are important to me, I rated this at 3.
| Factors | Future Earnings | Family | Other Projects | Self-Esteem | Total |
| Factor Weights | 3 | 5 | 4 | 2 | - |
| PhD | 5 | 1 | 0 | 4 | - |
| MA | 3 | 0 | 0 | 0 | - |
| DipCouns | 2 | 2 | 3 | 2 | - |
| Stop | 2 | 4 | 4 | 3 | - |
The final step involves some math. The weight for each factor is multiplied by the impact score for each option, and these are added together to arrive at a total score. For example, the PhD option score = (3 x 5) + (5 x 1) + (4 x 0) + (2 x 4) = 28.
| Factors | Future Earnings | Family | Other Projects | Self-Esteem | Total |
| Factor Weights | 3 | 5 | 4 | 2 | - |
| PhD | 5 | 1 | 0 | 4 | 28 |
| MA | 3 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 9 |
| DipCouns | 2 | 2 | 3 | 2 | 32 |
| Stop | 2 | 4 | 4 | 3 | 48 |
Given my current value ratings of factors that are important to me, leaving school and devoting more time to family and other projects outweighs whatever positive impact that continuing my academic career might have on my self-esteem and future earnings.
I have submitted my formal withdrawal from the Doctorate of Clinical Psychology program. I have yet to talk with my supervisors to let them know that, at this time, I will not be pursuing further academic research. But the headache has faded, as they always do. I feel optimistic about the future. I expect to experience intermittent regrets about not continuing an academic career, particularly because I will miss academic writing. But I know that I have a capacity for self-reflection and an arsenal of tools that can assist me in any number of difficult circumstances. I'm looking forward to working on other projects--redecorating our new home, landscaping, starting on a huge kitchen garden, returning to volunteer work for a literacy program, and writing posts like this one. I hope to spend time with my family without being preoccupied with thoughts about a research project and worries that I'm not good enough. I feel free.
Special acknowledgements: It would have taken me a lot longer to re-learn HTML table construction if I hadn't come across this post by Isaac Yasser. Thanks, Isaac! I again want to recommend a click over to Mind Tools for a browse through their fabulous collection of self-management articles.
